Chill Sports

I chose to study computer science in college in large part because the field is heavily built on two key aspects: math and logic. The two have always appealed to me; mathematics can be used to explain and/or predict even the most complicated of real-world problems, and logic can be used to form airtight, infallible arguments if executed properly. While others are born with talent in art, music, chemistry, biology, or any number of subjects, I’ve always had somewhat of a knack for boiling down complex ideas into their mathematical and logical explanations. Which is why the Minnesota Vikings’ 2022 season makes absolutely no damn sense to me. I’ve pored over the numbers. I’ve watched their games. I’ve consulted numerous sources. And still, I can’t wrap my head around why they just keep winning games. They’re not a bad team, per se, but they’re also… not very good? Yet, they sport a sterling 12-3 record, which ties them for second-best in the NFC and in the entire NFL. Minnesota kicker Gr...

For many years, there was a hole in Lionel Messi’s heart. Not literally, thankfully, though at times for him it may very well have been, as the pain would likely have been less. Messi, often regarded as the greatest ever to play the biggest sport in the world, had pretty much done it all in his storied career. The word “storied”, in fact, does little to explain the success he’s earned and the joy he’s brought in his 18-year professional career; he’s won the Ballon d’Or award for the best men’s soccer player in the world a record seven times (and may be in line to win his eighth this year), the European Golden Shoe award for the highest-scoring player in Europe a record six times, and holds the Guinness World Record for the most official goals in a calendar year with 91. Even the Wikipedia page solely devoted to a list of Messi’s achievements and honors is so damn long. Along with all of his individual achievements, the “magic man” has also won 40 trophies for club and country. At thi...

The dream is over. At least for now, the “it’s called soccer” rallying cry has been put to bed. It was always going to be far-fetched, of course, but our beloved United States team is officially out of the 2022 World Cup after a 3-1 loss at the hands of the Netherlands. There’s still so much to be proud of, and even more to be excited about in the future, but man , does this loss sting. No, not because of the scoreline-- but because we actually played well! It’s one of the most frustrating things as a soccer fan to watch your team play good ball -- as the United States did in much of this game with an energetic press, quality movement, and multiple dangerous chances created -- but for the scoreline to reflect quite the opposite. At the end of the day, though the Dutch by all intents and purposes did not dominate the match, with less possession, shots on target, and pass accuracy than the Americans, they were lethal in front of the net and walked away with a convincing victory. One can...

A single beer on a Tuesday afternoon could never have been enough. With no food yet in my stomach since waking up with a sickening mixture of childlike excitement and unbridled cynicism, I had hoped my lager would steel my nerves. Still, watching the second half of the USMNT’s triumph over Iran was, with no exaggeration required, one of the most stressful experiences of my life; the nine minutes of stoppage time tacked on at the end of the second half may have been another 90, for all I was concerned. The American defense dropped deep and absorbed pressure from their opponents for most of the second half, and with each shot from a white-shirted player the pit in my stomach lurched to new lows until, at long last , that final whistle blew. I, like many other USA soccer fans, came into their pivotal final group stage match against the Iranians expecting my country to win based on their quality of play so far. Unfortunately, I know this team well, and so running through my mind all day wa...